The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
