Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
