Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
