I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
