I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
