you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
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i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
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You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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