I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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