apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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