you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
