No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
