there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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