dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
