he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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