You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
