I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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