Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
