Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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