having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
