its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
