"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
