Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
