forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Randomize
