your room smells of hookers.
And success
and she was petting her beer can
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
