i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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