Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
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You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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