ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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