That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
