In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
