Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
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Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
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He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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