Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My liver just broke up with me...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
