I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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