paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
