I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
