Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
