I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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