Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
