dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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