whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
