why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
