I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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