I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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