atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
