I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize