i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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