There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
