Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
