i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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