i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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