i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He felt like a one man threesome
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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