my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
