hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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