i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
