I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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