Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
