Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
