He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
