It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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