so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
