he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
not ubering you a puppy
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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