i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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