We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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