is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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