I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
