I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
