she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
