I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
