You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Randomize
