A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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