ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
