glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
