soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I need to align my fucking chakras
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