Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
