We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
