You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
