And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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