Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If that was your dad, he is hot
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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