If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
