brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
