All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
